Steve - Played by C. Patrick Storck
One of the most powerful mages in all the land, Steve has both strength and charisma on his side. While his skills as a thief are formidable, his true calling is as an archer. Tale has been told about his assasinating a corrupt king from 200 yards away on his first shot, without the benefit of a saving throw. Rich in gold and companions, time has shown Steve to be a force to be reckoned with.
In this world, however, Steve does not have the benefit of dice to make decisions for him, so he keeps his gambles and adventures to a minimum.
Mark - Played by John Stonebraker
Several credits shy of most majors offered at Darwin Run University, Mark finally settled on a career path paved in mediocrity. He considers his lack of specialty a "well-rounded" background that should look good on the resume he plans to someday put together and shop around, most likely when the base-level skills he's aquired over the years have become obsolete or common knowledge. For example, he is mildly proficient in Microsoft Office (primarily Word).
As soon as he catches up at his job, he plans on finding the time to maybe get ahead of the flow a bit, then either ask for a raise or take a moment and make said resume. But he can't think about that right now. There's a deadline he needs to meet.
Dolph - Played by Mike Storck
Steve's brother has only been responsible for one thing in his life: His own entertainment. The concepts of debt, gratitude, self-development, maturity, or personal posession simply do not register in his brain. This disorder, and not malice, are what make him a vaccuum of accomplishment. Not only has he remained unchanged for nearly his entire life, but he has the power to prevent the accomplishments of those within his proximity.
A scientific study was once set up to study this phenomenon, but before any results could be gathered the lab was engulfed in a green flame that was later described by one scientist as "frustrating, discouraging, but pretty effin' cool."
Byron - Played by Zeb Drinkwater
Against all standards, Byron's brain functions at 100% capacity, unlike the average person, whose brain only operates at approximately 10%.
20% of his resources are always processing how he could get high and on what at any given time. 5% of his brain is running an internal screen saver that vaguely resembles a flash animation of a kaleidoscope. 27% is compiling and comparing football statistics, though he'd never admit it. 16% is devoted to building a death ray, but only 3% to the concept of death itself. 11% is devoted to food, 9% to re-running pop-culture snippets, 4% for a beat-box to accompany the screen saver, and 3% to figuring out how V.I.C.K.I. the robot girl could age over several years of "Small Wonder" if she was really a robot.
This leaves just 2% to compute everything else.
Kristi - Played by Gabby Demczuk
Not much is known about Kristi, save for the fact that she gets top billing despite having the least amount of lines in the film. It was considered at one point to give her some lines, but since her character is dead, this would have been difficult. Maybe a dream sequence could've allowed for something, but that wouldn't really add much to the story.
Besides, nobody has liked dream sequences since DALLAS.
Caitlyn - Played by Tiffany James
Her past will likely remain a mystery until the day she dies, but she has no secrets in her new life in Canada. She knows her way around a shooting range as well as she knows her way around the bedroom. Unfortunately for her, the Great White North has a lot more prey of the "shoot to kill" variety.
She's an excellent cook, a prodigy at automotive repair, has a great sense of humor tempered with a level Eastern philosophy, a record collection that would make you weep, and is currently single.
Sharon - Played by Erika Ann
At age 16 Sharon, a shy and withdrawn girl, discovered techno music. It was, in her words, "a bunch of beeps and booms made by some poor monkeys putting off a sequel to Hamlet."
Four years later she discovered that pretty much anything can mask the flavor of vodka. After dropping out of college, she now makes nearly six figures, knows every club and clubber in the nearest five cities, and has enough alcohol pass through her system in any given week that her sweat serves as a disinfectant.
Roger - Played by David Cinnamon
As somebody who never trained as a bartender, chef, therapist, bouncer, lawman, busboy, server, host, maitre'd, janitor, pool player, dart champion, plumber, roofer, construction worker, exterminator, gardener, hunter, accountant, businessman, manager, or employee, Roger has done a surprisingly passable job at making his bar, the only one on Old Lance Mountain, successful.
Location, location, location... and decent gravy fries.
Doris - Played by April Burrill
Doris works down the street. She doesn't work at the bar. Everyone knows the area, and there really isn't anything down the street that they can think of. No houses, buildings, or strange mysterious paths that they've ever noticed. She never arrives or leaves at the same time as anybody to where they could pinpoint exactly where she may be when not at the bar. It's not terribly important, since the bar's really the only place worth going to be around people on Old Lance Mountain.
Jeb - Played by Brad Jergensen
Jeb likes to hunt with his truck. The front grill is made of cast iron, the tires are nearly indestructible, and the windshield wipers have an option to spray sulphuric acid. He has three potato cannons mounted on the roof, each designed for a different sized spud. His racing stripes are actually magnetic razor wire that can be pulled, used, and reattached as needed.
Jeb doesn't own guns, as they're too easy and unimaginative. He feels everyone in the U.S. wants a gun because they can't have them so easily. Canadians have moved past that.
Bear - Played by JimmyO Burrill
Named for an adventure he once had with a bear, the details are a bit sketchy at this point because it's only told when everyone has been drinking, and it's told by the group, each person correcting the last with their version as they go. It usually includes a bear, a Mountie uniform, the song "Rock Lobster," running between a quarter mile and ten miles, and a green Chevy Desoto.
It also must include a man in a phone booth telling the person on the other end of the line "Well, the stores are all closed, and I know I don't have any honey. Do they eat that? Really?"
Rocky - Played by Ron Burr
Always a bully, Rocky has found that intimidation is how to get anything he wants in life, except the one thing he wants most. He wants people to not be afraid of him.
Unfortunately, he hasn't figured out the simple logical answer to this, so he continues to scare other people into giving him the stuff they treasure, then shows them what cool stuff he has, thinking that if they liked it enough to be upset when he took it, they'd look up to him for having whatever he took. This also makes him a pretty lousy drug dealer, but not a bad band manager.
Quint - Played by Tony Gallahan
While Rocky believes Quint is his best friend, the truth is much more sinister. Quint is working on his doctorate in psychology, with concentrations in sociology and criminal profiling. He has taken it upon himself to go "undercover," befriending a temperamental drug dealer then taking steps to fuel any fire he sees ready to erupt. Sometimes it's as simple as "Go get him!" or "...after what he said about your Granny." Sometimes he needs to plant evidence and ideas. Sometimes it's a little extra cocaine in the morning coffee.
Also, Quint is left handed, and therefore even more sinister.
Bud - Played by Joe Flora
Bud is a self-made millionaire, but don't tell him that. A few years back somebody did, which caused a fair amount of confusion. He believed for weeks that he was actually a robot copy of himself he'd constructed so the real him could go live on a beach somewhere. He wanted to go find himself, but was afraid of the effects of sand and sea water on his robot parts.
After eating two dozen inferno wings, he was finally convinced he was not in fact a robot, though nobody is quite what about this convinced him.
Ted - Played by Tim Frost
Bud Presco's accountant, Ted fell into the numbers game after his seventh year of college. He'd dabbled in the social sciences, creative endeavors, and all sorts of other majors, until he realized that things like art and society contained uncontrollable variables, and that chaos was always to be a part of everything he'd touch. Accounting, while laborious, had a structured, completable finish line - the bottom line. The classes were also open at the time of his late registration.
Also, he owns every Replacements album, but has never gotten around to listening to them.
